Me-View Contest Entries

Over here we enlist the wonderful Me-View contest entries written by our visitors. Some excellent writing skills displayed by our talented visitors. If you want to enter the Me-View Contest, click here for details.
Check out the excellent submissions below, they'll surely convince you to try out the chart busting titles they speak of!

1. SuperMan 64 Me-View
2. Legends of Wrestling (XBOX)
3. P.N. 03
4. Captain Novolin (SNES)
5. Sword of Vermillion (Sega Mega Drive)
6. Baldur's Gate: Dark Alliance (GBA)
7. Black and White 2
8. Samurai (Arcade)
9. Oni (PS2/PC)
10. Batman: Vengeance
11. Home Alone (NES)
12. Big Mother Truckers 2
13. Shaq Fu
14. Bruce Lee: Quest of the Dragon
15. Barney's Hide and Seek
16. Super Mario Sunshine
17. Strip Fighter II (TG16/PCEngine)
18. Yoshi Touch & Go
19. The Guy Game
20. That's So Raven (GBA)
21. The Way of the Samurai (PS2)
22. A Week of Garfield
23. Michael Jackson's Moonwalker II
24. Superman 64
25. Area 51 (PS2)

 

Superman 64
By Brock Samson
Introduction:

From widely praised developer Titus, comes a masterpiece that graced the Nintendo 64 console. The epic story, game play, graphics, and sound all come together to produce one of the most riveting games of all time! Without further delay, my review of Superman 64!

Story:

Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. The villainous Lex Luthor has trapped Superman's friends within a virtual Metropolis, and it is up to our hero to rescue them! Thinking outside of the box and preconceived notions of "common sense", Superman ventures into the virtual world rather than taking action in the real world! Living up to the standards of a true hero, Superman dives headfirst into a fake-yet-seemingly-real action! Watch out Luthor, your jig is up!

Thankfully, as to not make the game an utter bore-fest, Titus does not drown us in mundane storyline and only gives us one cut scene in the beginning and end of our adventure! They choose to have the story not play a major role (at all, unlike some other games like those shameful Final Fantasy or Metal Gear series') through our experience until the one riveting cut scene at the end of the game! Of course, I won't want to spoil the exciting conclusion for you, so you'll have to play to find out!

Graphics:

With the coming of the 3D era, you would expect exciting new styles of portraying on-screen action, and Superman 64 certainly delivers! You will be in utter awe as you witness famous comic-book characters like Lex Luthor (that fiend!) and Superman in all of their polygonal glory! Instead of going the route of other over-the-top games, the critically thinking developers at Titus decided to keep things simple- onscreen baddies (and you, Superman!) are rendered in a graphics engine only seen in this game! Watch as Superman, your block of an amazing ten red and blue polygons (without all of those nasty "textures" to cloud up the action!), takes on the other boxes of polygons! The professionals at Titus have even graced the action with an amazing two whole enemy types, Shadowmen, and Robots, that look different! And I cannot forget to include one of the games biggest draws- Kryponite fog! Superman's one weakness, in an all new and exciting fog form, plagues the virtual Metropolis, covering everything within ten feet! It even prevents you from seeing the backrounds!

Zelda what? Metal Gear what? Superman 64 is where you will get your amazing graphics fix!

Sound- Another reason to get off your behinds and BUY THIS GAME! Wether it is the exciting techno-ish soundtrack, consisting of an amazing 3 tracks at about 45 seconds each (Don't worry if they seem short! The music loops as long as you're playing!), or the Man of Steel's two whole voice samples, you won't be able to turn down your volume! And of course the sound effects are in order, with the expected "pow!" and "biff!" when Superman strikes a foe, adding to the audio experience. It truly is like an orgasm for the ears!

Gameplay:

Now the meat of any game, how it plays! As you would expect, this is a title that has all the gameplay you could ever want! As Superman, you can fly through the virtual Metropolis with intuitive controls only Titus could bring you! While it may seem to some that Superman handles rather poorly, they just don't see the big picture- what skill would be required in the game if you could fly anywhere with ease? A challenge is a challenge! Jump with an expertly placed shoulder button! Walk slowly! Fly through rings!

Now you may be asking, "what rings, Brock?", and here is your answer. The devious Lex Luthor, being the super villain he is, has constructed hundreds of thousands of rings within his virtual world for Superman to fly through! As the heroic protagonist, Superman does one thing throughout most of the game- fly through said rings! Aid your trapped friends and the world by flying through rings, and you'll feel like you are actually Superman himself! Now that's immersion! Thank you, Titus!

Final Word:

Wow. I simply cannot get over how I found the time to type this out. Why? Well I have been playing Superman 64 nonstop for years now, duh! The game is truly that excellent! There is no need for me to recap my review, because all you need to do is this- BUY THIS GAME NOW! Even during this time of "Xboxes", "Gamecubes", and "logical game production" , most game stores will still have a section of their wall devoted to Superman 64, so you won't have a problem picking it up! Get going, because a world of extreme gaming awaits you. Yeah!

Final Rating: 10/10

 

 

Legends Of Wrestling(XBOX)
By Dan Blundell

Imagine being able to play a game in which you could recreate those classic moments of wrestling, such as Wrestlemania 3 when Hogan fought Andre The Giant. If that’s what you think game offers think again.

The game has fantastic graphics according to my friend (who is blind by the way) and acclaim have taken it upon themselves to produce even better entrance music for the likes of Hogan. The fantastic match options which include single match, tag match and guest referee(well that’s all of them really) will keep you occupied for an hour(s).

The create a wrestler is extremely in depth with the ability to incorporate your own mp3s into the game. Your superstars face is another in depth part with only one face being available and that is quite photo-realistic with the picture coming from the nightmare on elm street.

Once you start the game and begin to play you will be managed by either Jimmy Hart or Captain Lou. I chose Jimmy Hart originally but after a while you begin to believe that someone was squeezing his scrotum while his lines were recorded.

Overall was a fantastic experience in which the developers fully understood how to produce a wrestling game

Final Rating: 10/10

 

 

P.N. 03
By Joe Henry

P.N. 03’s name may be misleading. The name has nothing to do with the game. It stands for Product Number Three. It actually has to do with it being the third exclusive third-party game for the Nintendo Gamecube. It’s a name just screaming originality. Besides the name, the game also hosts beautiful graphics. Graphics that are so beautiful that the game makes sure you see them by repeating the gorgeous corridors/enemies over and over.

The gameplay is top notch with Resident Evil controls, dance move dodging, and killer butt shaking. I spent just as much time enjoying the stellar action as I did watching main character Vanessa’s butt shake. I would have been staring at Vanessa’s butt the whole time if it hadn’t been for the random encounters with the same enemies that get minor upgrades throughout the game.

The overall experience was fantastic. Beautiful graphics, great gameplay, and even lasting appeal for those pervs who want to play through the game again to see Vanessa in her skimpy suit. What’s not to like.

Final Rating: 10/10

Buy this game so we can see a Revolution sequel with Rev remote butt shakin’ functionality.

 

 

Captain Novolin
By FellowNewGrounder

Here is my review on what i think is the greatest game ever made... period

Game Specifications:
Game Title: Captain Novolin
System: SNES
Genre: Action
Developer: Novo Nordisk
Publisher: Reya Systems
Release: N/A

You know sometimes when you get the impulse to just blow something up, or slice some necks? Yeah me either, I'd much rather play a game where I can relate to every aspect of the game. I mean everything.

Why waste your time about your low blood sugar or glucose in real life, when you do it virtually. Alright enough bragging about this great piece of plump buttery goodness and get to the facts. When I started playing the first thing that came to my mind was, "wow they capture my life exactly."

Are they stalking people with diabetes? I felt as if I was in the twilight zone watching a buff version of myself do my daily errands. It starts with breakfast of course and you need to make sure to eat right then you have to avoid the giant junk food. Thats the hardest part of my day. Well it all boils down to learning what you need to know and doing it in style.

The fast paced action and superb graphics sent me on a spiral of lust to inject my self with my blood sugar medication. Everyone needs to play this game and if you don't you're a godless piece of excretement from a young fruit bat in heat.

The music is a symphony of harmonious tunes that made me erect in my pantaloons which had been pre soiled due to the extreme amounts excitement I had watching the intro movie. It's a great suspense story that kept me on the edge of my seat for the remainder of the game. You'll dream of this game for years after you experience it.

Ratings:
GRAPHICS:10
GAMEPLAY:10
MUSIC:10
OVERALL: 100000000000000000000000000000

THIS IS A MUST FOR ANY SENTIENT LIFE FORM. Obtain this at all costs. Thanks for hearing my rant.

 

 

Sword of Vermillion (Sega Mega Drive)
By Edwin Jamieson

So I saw this 'me-view' contest listed on emuparadise's main page. My first reaction was 'WTF, this idiot doesn't know how to spell review'. But then I read a bit closer and saw that it was intentional. Now I didn't understand everything that was written there (I didn't really understand what 'sarcasm' or 'misleading' meant. Unlike most of you nerds, I actually have a life and I don't read books 24/7, so screw you!), but the general message seemed to be that they were looking for reviews by people with very opinionated words. Now I'm not into arguing or anything, but I like to think that I'm a very opinionated person (I'm a vegan because eating leather is very, very wrong). So I thought maybe I could enter.

About a year back, I was grounded because my parents are totally unfair. The details of why I was grounded aren't important (it was totally my friend Jimmy's fault), but the important thing is that, while grounded, I played some cool game with my younger brother on the Sega (Yeah yeah, I know, I hadn't heard of them either; apparently they're pre-PS1...) Mega Drive. Now I know it's not entirely fair to review stuff that you've not even played all of, but I think I've got a pretty good handle on this one, so here goes.

The game in question is Sword of Vermillion for the Sega Mega Drive. It was an RPG released way before Final Fantasy VII. In fact, I think it probably started the RPG genre, since the Sony Playstation wasn't even out at that time. I think this is really cool, because you can sort of see where recent RPGs like Final Fantasy and 50 Cent: Bulletproof got their inspiration from.

Anyway, first of all, you're given the option to name your character. I like games that let you name your characters because it gives you lots of customyz...cusstomisaz...er...choice. Plus if you're playing the game for the second time, you can call your character something really funny like 'crapheap'. This makes the dialogue really cool because there's lots of messages with people talking about crapheaps. I think that this makes the game very replayable. Once when I was replaying Final Fantasy 7 I called Cloud 'Jenova' and Aeris 'Sephiroth'. That made the story really cool because then Jenova fell in love with Sephiroth. And then Sephiroth killed Sephiroth. All my friends thought that was hillarious.

Anyway, as I was saying, Sword of Vermillion lets you name your character. Zelda is probably my favourite RPG, so I named him after the main character in that. Some people say that Zelda isn't an RPG, but I think that they're wrong. I don't know what RPG really stands for...but I know that Final Fantasy is an RPG, and Final Fantasy has swords, dragons and magic. And Zelda kinda has those as well. So I'm pretty sure it's an RPG.

After entering ZELDA, I added a number six afterwards to give a sense of ambiguity to his character. What does the six stand for? Nobody knows, but I like to think that it was some sort of indication of ZELDA6's deep mental instability and angst. I like unstable heroes, because they remind me of me. I'm really crazy; this one time in class I just started laughing for no reason. Everybody looked at me like I was weird, but I didn't care. It's cool to be an outcast. Sometimes when I'm sitting in my room listening to 'My Chemical Romance', I even wonder what it would be like if I didn't exist at all. I'm deep like that.

After entering my name, the game started to tell me all about my character. Seemingly many years ago my father's city had been attacked, and he had entrusted his most trusted servant, Blade, to take me somewhere safe and raise me as his own son. I thought it was very, very original for the game to open with text about a war that had gone on many, many years before, and it was nice that it inspired such an adventurous mood so early in the game, because I have adventures too. Like this one time when my friend Jimmy bet me that I couldn't eat a whole tub of popcorn with nacho cheese, but I went ahead and did it anyway. This brought me closer to the character: I thought that it was good that Sword of Vermillion established such a strong bond between the player and the character so early in the game.

Apparently Blade is dying, though. This plot twist caught me completely off-guard. I mean one moment Blade's escaping with you and the next he's suddenly dying. Forget Aeris, I *totally* did not see Blade's death coming. With his dying words, he tells you the truth about your heritage and so you begin your quest. I thought the opening to Sword of Vermillion was very moving, and it got me attached to the game very quickly.

The graphics in Sword of Vermillion are 2-D. I've not played many 2-D games, but the ones in Sword of Vermillion aren't as good as Street Fighter Alpha 3's by a long way. Disappointing. What's more, they're sort of cartoony and I don't really like cartoony graphics. I think games ought to look realistic, or else I end up feeling like I'm playing a game that's been made for my little sister. It's like Zelda: I was really looking forward to the Wind Waker on Gamecube, until they released preview screenshots. It had this really stupid cartoony style. I mean don't get me wrong, I don't hate cartoony games, but Zelda began as a realistic looking series on the N64. I just think it should've stayed true to it's roots instead of adopting a cartoon style that looked like Pokemon. Me and my friends started calling it a 'Gaycube game' after that. It was really funny. So yeah, I don't really hate the graphics in Sword of Vermillion, but it's just a little bit too kiddy for a mature gamer like myself. There's also no FMVs, which is really disappointing. I mean what's the point in an RPG without FMVs?

This all changes when you leave a town, though. The graphics for the world map in Sword of Vermillion are sort of like Halo. You get to see directly out of your character's eyes, so it's like you *are* the character. It's every bit as awesome as it sounds. It's kind of lame, though: Halo had lots of blood and guns, and Sword of Vermillion doesn't really offer up any of either. There's no blood at all, there isn't even any swearing. This was very disappointing, since I think that game characters ought to talk like real people and make sex jokes and stuff. There's also no nudity in this game at all. Maybe I was spoiled by great games like BMX XXX, but I expect some nudity to be in a game, or else it might as well be for kids. I had to knock off some points for that.

The music in Sword of Vermillion is okay. It's not as high quality as most of the CDs in my music collection, but it does the job. If I'm honest, though, it's not really to my tastes. People who buy Final Fantasy soundtracks might like it, but personally I'm more into harder metal bands like a Simple Plan and Fallout Boy. I like music with lyrics that I can relate to, singing about not being understood and stuff. Music without guitars just isn't very good, it's too pop-ish for me. So, while the music in Sword of Vermillion is okay, I think it should have more lyrics about being misunderstood so that people like me can enjoy it too.

The battle system is where Sword of Vermillion really shines. When you enter battle, you are placed on a map with enemies. Just like Final Fantasy, right? WRONG! In Sword of Vermillion, you are free to move around whacking the enemies. You have to be careful, though, because if they walk into you you get hurt. I like the element of danger that this lends to the battle system; if you don't keep slashing, ANY enemy could just walk right up to you and kill you. It keeps you on your toes.

You are also able to use magic, but I thought that that this was a little bit badly executed; there's no summonings whatsoever, and no materia either. I kept wondering when I would fight Vermillion's equivalent of the Guard Scorpion and be able to unlock the materia system, but it never happened. Not that I want to complain about such an excellent part of the game, but this was a little disappointing.

If the standard battles in Sword of Vermillion sound great, it's because they are. But the boss battles are even better. Basically the game places you on a flat plane with the boss, sort of like Street Fighter. You can move back and forth and attack, but you're not able to use any magic (which is no great loss, really; like I said there's NO materia whatsoever). I really liked how the game made you move very slowly in these battles; it lent it a sense of realism and danger: move too far, and you won't be able to get back in time to avoid the boss's attack. If I had one complaint, it's that these segments of the game take too much from Street Fighter and not enough from other great fighting series like Tekken. Not to complain, but it would've been great to play as Jin Kazama in full 3-D against the bosses. Instead you're limited to some 2-D knight. Not a huge blow, but a blow nonetheless.

As for challenge, this game is HARD! The battle system is so complex that it takes hours to master, and the game lasts for much longer than other RPGs like Devil May Cry. My younger brother didn't die much while playing it, but the lack of a 3-D mode for the game probably means that most gamers will be at a disadvantage. Also, when asked about his opinion for the game, my brother replied, "It's even worse than Quest 64". I don't know what 'Quest 64' is exactly, but he probably meant that it was even harder than that game was. So if you played that one, and found it hard, you might want to avoid Sword of Vermillion.

Summing up, Sword of Vermillion is an underrated gem for the Sega Mega Drive. I'm sure that many of you won't have heard of it (heck even *I* hadn't, and I'm a pretty 1337 gamer), but if you come across it I urge you to give it a try. Of course it might be kind of hard to find nowadays, since, as I'm informed, the Mega Drive died out during a console battle with Sony's Playstation. Shame.

My rating: 8.5/10

 

 

Baldur's Gate: Dark Alliance (GBA)
By David Pettitt

This game is essentially a slimmed-down port of the console version. I can't comment knowledgeably, having never played the original version; however, based solely on my experience with this handheld version, I doubt the original game, running on systems with much greater processing power, memory, storage capacity, and gamepad buttons, can hold a candle to the compact beauty of this port.

Let me be clear right from the beginning: This is a man's game, built by men, for men. Don't be fooled by the cover art on the box. There are less than half a dozen female characters in the game, all but one of them being neutral NPC's, and most of them old grannies. That means no pesky women to get in the way of your hours of testosterone-fuelled smashing and killing.

Baldur's Gate is based on the Dungeons & Dragons setting, which clearly indicates that it is a roleplaying game. Character creation has long been a staple of roleplaying, and many a player has wasted many a night creating and customizing their player character in preparation for the game. This terrible waste of time has even insinuated istelf into computerized roleplaying games (I'm looking at you, Elder Scrolls: Oblivion!). Thankfully, the designers of BG:DA, knowing that people hate having choices, wisely distilled the complex group of 10+ character classes of D&D into three unique classes; Fighter, Archer, and Wizard, a powerful combination never before seen in a video game. To make things even easier for the player, the option of choosing gender has also been done away with. This avoids controversy over differing skill levels for the two sexes (I'm looking at you again, Elder Scrolls: Oblivion!), and neatly sidesteps the whole exploited female eye-candy problem that has plagued video games for so long. To reiterate, this is a real man's game; trure men don't want to be staring at cute elf booty for hours on end, they want to see a sweaty, burly male warrior defeating foes with his long, gleaming sword. Either that, or penetrating them with his shafts over and over, or coating them with his 'magic missiles' until they lay quiescent on the floor. ... Ahem.

D&D is well-known for its epic plots and opportunities for heroic deeds. In this vein, BG:DA places you in the shoes of a nameless man who is mugged on the streets of Baldur's Gate. Found by city guards, you are sent to the most unlikely of destinations to recover: a tavern. The game then eases you in with one of the most refreshingly innovative plot devices I have seen in years; rats in a cellar. I mean, it's perfect! Nobody likes rats, except for maybe the odd research psychologist. They're easy to kill, so as not to provide too great a challenge for the player (who, despite apparently being a seasoned warrior, seems to be as weak as a newborn kitten). This concept is so new, so revolutionary, I can't believe it took until 2003 for someone to implement it into a game. In fact, it's so brilliant, I think it should be used as the main plot hook of a movie; they could call it "Rats in a Cellar", and it would star Samuel L. Jackson.

Purportedly the player must clear out the rats in order to gain access to the sewers (the supposed residence of those vile muggers) to gain revenge on said vile muggers. Also, rats live in dank underground places, which is a perfect way to gradually toss in more difficult creatures that also live in dank underground places, such as sewers. The shining genius of this logic was evidence by the designers of BG:DA, who smootly transition you, the player, from a rat-infested cellar to a sewer infested by things more nasty than rats. To get to the sewers, the player must acquire the correct key. It soon becomes clear that this is the standard gameplay hook of BG:DA. Kill everything that moves, find the key, and unlock the door to the next area. However, that's not all! There are also prison cells to unlock, and gates, not just dungeon doors! By the end of the game, I felt like that short Oriental fellow from the last two Matrix movies, and let me tell you, he was the most heroic character of all. BG:DA perfectly captures the feeling of being the sort of fellow who can gain access to places, using oddly-shaped bits of metal. Sadly, though, there are no motorcycles in the game. However, to make up for it, the designers implemented the classic force barrier doors. This means that enemies following the player will stop at all doorways and stand stupidly, allowing you to hit them repeatedly with your weapon of choice. This element of realism really added a certain something to the game.

To fill in the space between opening doors, BG:DA throws a lot of enemies at the player, in grand rpg tradition. Combat requires a fair amount of skill. The player must run up to the enemies and smack them repeatedly, or run *away* from the enemies and shoot them from a distance with arrows or magic. It's a tricky decision, but you catch on after a while. The sheer variety of enemies they managed to fit onto such a tiny cartridge is mind-boggling, really. There's rats, and larger rats, and even larger rats. Also some tiny creature I couldn't identify, spiders, gnolls, zombies, drow, ogres, giants, lizardmen, skeleton warriors, and... that's it, really. That's nearly a dozen different enemy types! I had to start using my toes to keep track! Then those scamps who designed the game went and created two types of each enemy, a melee fighter and a ranged attacker! That pretty much doubled the enemy types. Unfortunately, the poor zombies didn't get a ranged attacker version, but to make up for it they got two shades of pants, brown and blue.

This brings me to the graphical aspects of BG:DA. The game is stunningly rendered in every imaginable shade of brown and grey. For variety, there is a fair amount of green tossed in (mostly during forest scenes.) Then, just when I thought it couldn't possibly get any better, the graphics designers apparently said 'to heck with the budget!' and purchased at least two or three shades of yellow. I believe I actually encountered five different colours of spider by the time it was all said and done, and they were certainly menacing. Those yellow spiders will live on in my nightmares for years to come. And that screech of death! The sound engineers must have tortured actual spiders, and magnified the screams several hundred times to achieve the level of realism present in BG:DA. They must have also recorded themselves hitting walls with blunt objects, and smacking together objects that go 'clink'. Add in a couple grunts, and that pretty much completes the gorgeous mosaic of sounds in BG:DA. My personal favourite was the clomping noise made by the player. When backtracking through vast stretches of dungeon, with no music to distract me, I was comforted by the throbbing rhythm of the player's armour-shod feet smacking the ground over, and over, and over, and... yes. It was beautiful. There was one piece of music included in the game, which played whenever a big boss fight was approaching. It was a signal to prepare for danger, fill up on potions, and save the game. Such a subtle hint, and very well executed.

I won't reveal any details of the plot, so as not to ruin the experience for anyone who hasn't played BG:DA yet (shame on you!). Suffice it to say it is a very original and unique plot, containing a mysterious conspiracy, romance, a plot to throw a city into chaos, and a noble-intentioned hero gone wrong. I was just kidding about the romance. Everyone knows real men hate romance, and I don't think I need to remind you that this is a real man's game. The protagonist is a real man! He never, ever speaks! That's right. NPC's spew their dialogue, and the player returns to what men do best; unlocking doors (oh, and killing stuff). Dialogue and characterization are for wusses; real men let their swords do the talking.

In short, Baldur's Gate: Dark Alliance is a real man's game for real men. It has weapons, enemies, doors, and thankfully very few women. Leave behind the real world of female oppression and unleash the inner man inside!

Final Rating: 9.98/10

+Edge-of-your-seat door-unlocking excitement
+Extensive pallette of green, brown and gray
+Hardly any female characters
+Revolutionary, ground-breaking RPG plot
+Large variety of character classes and enemies

-No motorcycles

 

 

Black and White 2
By Ricky Morrall

Lionhead, who are always very skilled at making games that absolutely live up to all their hype, have done it again with the release of "Black and White 2" Now, as important in any sequel, this game introduces a whole host of new features, highlights include:

- Less Miracles! If you're like me, then the sheer number of options in how to be a god in the first "Black and White" simply blew your mind, and infact, made the game less fun to play. LionHead has remedied this issue by bringing down the number of miracles in this sequel significantly, down to only 6! Some of the miracles, such as the meteor spell, don't even work! You will never have to worry about being bogged down in the details, just use the same 3 spells over and over!

- Less Creatures! In a similar move to the decrease of miracles, Lionhead has also decided to significantly cut down the number of creatures that are featured in "Black and White 2", Infact, there are less then a quarter of the number of creatures that were available in "Black and White: Creature Isles". This, in my opinion, is a brilliant move, as it prevents one from having to worry about creature choice, the last game had far too many creature options, leading me to be forced to REPLAY the game multiple times to get the full enjoyment out of it, this, of course, was a very bad thing, as, personally, I prefer to never play a game again after the first weekend.

- Feel Less Like a God! No longer must you be forced to be shackled down into playing another boring old God Simulation, there are just too many of those. Now, in this improved version of Black and White, no longer must you repeat that tired old feeling of being god to an island of villagers, you now get to feel like MAYOR of a city, and a GENERAL, a feeling which no game has ever before created.

- No More Multiplayer Mode! No longer must I dread telling my friends I own the latest installment in the "Black and White" series, the fear of them suggesting we get together and have a lan party, pitting our great creatures against one another, was too much to bear, and nearly made me throw out the last game. The option to play with other people was not only frightening, but served to increase the length of play one would give the game, and, as we've already covered, no one wants to play a game for longer then a weekend.

These Great features, and many more, make "Black and White 2" FAR better then the Original and "Creature Isles". Lionhead is set to release the expansion to "Black and White 2" soon, it is my hope that they will improve further upon this game by cutting down the number of miracles to two, and limiting the creature choice down to just the ape.

 

 

Samurai (Arcade)
By ninjagowoowoo
Introduction:

Back in 1980, Sega released the best game in the world. This game was simply titled, "Samurai". Little did Sega know that they would be starting a gaming revolution that fired a shockwave of samurai all throughout the entire seven continents. It was samurai that originally inspired so many game developers to focus on the non-questionable "coolness" of both samurais and ninjas. Want to know WHY it was so popular? Read on and find out for yourself!

Graphics (10/10 +an awesome showcase of 8 colors!)

Samurai's graphics were high end back in the early 80s, but today the graphics are nearly perfectly reproduceable on even the slowest of commercial computers! In fact, the graphics were so great, that Sega only used eight colors to compose the entire game. Who needs millions of colors when only eight will do! This game will run perfectly on any home computer system bought after 1990, so there's no need to worry about whether or not your graphic card will cut it.

Story (Who cares?)

Story? Who needs a story? Sega was smart and didn't even include a story with this game. Who cares about a stupid story where the hero strives to beat the seemingly all-powerful-but-in-the-end-way-to-easily-defeated crazed evil villain. Just get me into the action, and let me beat up the bad guys!

Samurai Action (10/10 +accurate samurai action )

The action in this game is insanely accurate and enthralling. Once you press "1p start" the action starts immediately. First off, what is the first thing that comes to mind when I ask you what weapon a Samurai uses? A sword of course! What else could a samurai need to conquer his enemies? Nothing, and that's what this game strives for. In the game, you only get one attack... and that is to swing your sword from an upward position, to a downward position. If you catch an enemy samurai during your faster-than-the-blink-of-an-eye sword swipe, he will die. In fact, you are so powerful that Sega could only use two frames for the sword attack. Originally the developers only had used only one frame for the attack (see illustration bellow), but the gameplay suffered as a result of being too powerful. After all, everyone knows that a true Samurai could have killed a man in a single blow! Your other arsenal of samurai moves includes moving up, down, left, and right.

Enemies (9/10 +many varieties, -monkey-ninjas need tails)

There are many diverse enemies in the game. The main, and most common, enemy you will fight will be other samurai. They have the same deadly moves that you do... just not three lives. They also wear a bright blue outfit that makes them really easy to spot during the dead-of-night missions that you take on. Your outfit, being bright red, conceals you in nearly any situation.

The other enemies include the monkey ninja (everyone knows that ninjas have tails), which throws gravity and wind defiant ninja stars in perfect lines at you, as well as the samurai-hooker, which attempt to shoot you with a special (also gravity and wind defiant) samurai-killing harpoon gun with a hook on the end.

 

Gameplay (10/10 +never gets old, -needs more levels)

The gameplay of this game will forever keep me playing the game. You go through countless levels, each filled with more and more enemies with more and more weapons. You, the brave hero samurai fight your way through every single enemy (except for the ones you can't seem to reach behind the wall of green, but killing those would make the game much less entertaining)

Overall: 10/10

If you need a game that will captivate you for hours, and fill your desire for comedic, yet realistic, samurai violence, this game is for you!
+INSTANT action that remains contstantly challenging throughout the entirety game
+no stupid storyline to convolute the awesomeness of the game
+diverse and creative enemy design
+no combo moves to memorize

 

 

Oni (PS2/PC)
By Jedediah Develin

And on the eighth day, God gave us Oni...

Oni is an action title by Bungie (Halo) and Rockstar (Grand Theft Auto series). When I started playing this game, I wondered how much fun I could stomach in a sitting. There was so much intense action that ten minutes of gaming felt like an hour of playing another game. I really, really love this game, and I think you will too.

Graphics - 10

Definitely top notch graphics on both the PS2 and PC. The graphics enhance the gameplay experience, and they aren't bland and grainy like even the newest PC and PS2 games, such as The Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion or Kingdom Hearts 2. The only way to improve on Oni's performance is with shrooms.

Sound and Music - 10

The sound is sharp and inventive, and really envelops you in the game. The music sets the mood perfectly and you couldn't ask for better ambience.

Gameplay - 10

This is the most important part, and what they did best. It was the most enriching experience I've ever had with a television. It takes obscene sex promises to convince me to change my playing habits regarding this game. The game is an espionage based beat-em up. You can fight hand-to-hand or with firearms (and usually both), and throughout the game there are over 20 weapons you can use, each with different, productive uses. The enemies are diverse and a pleasure to defeat. The controls have enough response to make Oni do what you want, and still make the jumps and acrobatic stunts tricky to land.

Story - 10

Brilliant. That's all I'll say, since I wouldn't want to spoil it for you.

In summation, Oni is clearly proof of the existence of God and it gives great insight into his character, as he must have inspired the lead designers.

 

 

Batman: Vengeance
By Brandon Cole

Batman Vengeance is a game that takes advantage of the very popular Batman animated series, bringing the full cast with all their energy and enthusiasm. More than that, however, it's a game that's guaranteed to keep you on the edge of your seat. That's just what it did for me from start to, uh, well, as far as I was able to stand. I could hardly wait to see what this game, sure to become a classic in years to come, would throw at me next!

Imagine my amazement when first, I was thrown into a holographic training simulation hosted by Batman's dead buttlar, Alfred! Imagine my shock as I discovered Batman had somehow forgotten how to throw a baterang, and Alfred had to teach him all over again. Maybe Alfred should've been the superhero.

Then, I actually got to play. That's when things got really good. It wasn't long before I discovered that this most astonishing game would only let you throw your batarang at certain, very specific things. Things only got better when I discovered the same was true for the grappling hook. Free-roaming? Of course not! Why on earth would anyone want that?

Soon, I reached the freefall portion of training. Batman was going to fall, and I had to use the grappling hook to stop him before he landed. You can guess what happened. Excitedly I watched Batman drop over the ledge. Futily I tried to toss my grappling hook at the ledge I had fallen from, then at the opposite ledge. Neither worked! Oh joy! After hitting the water a few times, whereafter I would simply be teleported to the top and automatically fall again, I finally noticed the little figurine that sits on a ledge on the way down. I speedily tossed the grappling hook that way, and wouldn't you know it? It worked! It was the figurine all along! If I had known to expect that amount of ridiculousness, I would've just done that in the first place!

It was about this time that I realized what I must do. I was so excited, so happy with my overall experience, that I promptly shut the game off, put it away, and vowed never to play it again. You just can't ruin a good thing like that. You simply can't.

So that's it. Please, I beg of you all, hurry out to the store and pick this one up as soon as you possibly can. You won't regret it for a second. Not even when you realize that everything you throw your grappling hook at sounds like a wine bottle. No no, none of these things can dim this game in my eyes, and I'm certain they won't dim it in yours. You must hurry, before all your local game retailers run out of copies. Don't miss what has to be the greatest game ever created. And as a side note, Gamespot gave this game a 7.0. So it has to be good... right?

 

 

Home Alone (NES)
By ninjagowoowoo
Intro

This excellent game was released in 1991 by THQ as a response to the ever popular Home Alone movies. You play as Kevin McCalister trying to outwit the goons breaking into your house.

Gameplay

The great thing about this game is that you don't know what you're supposed to be doing. This makes the game so much more challenging, and motivates the player to keep on playing in order to discover what is supposed to get done. If you have seen the movie, at least you can infer that you're supposed to run from the bad guys in your house.

In your house, there a certain objects that you can pick up, and set back down. Each of which is represented by a square with an outline of the object on it. Who knows what you're supposed to do with these items...if they have some ultimate purpose, or if you're actually supposed to just trip the bad guys with them. The fact is, they're there whether you need them or not. Since the seemingly-infinite amount of bad guys seem to run faster than you, you need something to slow them down. It's a relief that the developers decided to include these items. Also, to add a bit of challenge to the game, you can only carry one item at a time. This makes for very exciting gameplay. I find myself setting traps and waiting for a randomly generated bad guy to walk into it and fall over. After which, I proceed to have myself a great belly laugh, and move on to thwart the next baddie.

There is really only one level to the game, which consists of the three story McCalister house, Kevin's tree house and the basement. For the most part, you can move left and right, but when you see stairs you can press up or down to use them. The great part is that you have to be perfectly lined u with the beginning of the stairs, or you'll just be sitting there waiting to get snatched by the bad guys. I always find myself laughing at poor Kevin because he got caught trying to use the stairs. Haha, silly boy.

Difficulty

This game is extremely difficult and challenging. A top from not knowing your ultimate goal or how to appropriately use the miscellaneous items in your house, the bad guys move a bit faster than you. Unless you're holding an item or are near an item, they will catch you. The great thing is that you can always start again. You never die in the game. Instead, when you get caught, Kevin puts his hands up to his cheeks and opens his mouth very wide (you'll recognize the face from the movie when Kevin tried some aftershave) Then a screen pops up saying, "oh no!". And then you can play again!

Overall Rating 10/10

If you're into challenging games that put you in a detective-like puzzling situations or if you like to watch as bad guys stupidly fall over obviously-placed lamps, then this game is for you.
+Challenging gameplay
+Graphics are very well done, although there's a bit too much red
+Sound is wonderfull... The melodic symphony of beeps generated by the NES system still amazes me.

 

 

Big Mother Truckers 2 - Blowing through the highway yet again
By Dimitri Plabato

When it comes to Big Mother Truckers 2 for the Playstation 2 and X-box, the only thing I can truly say is that there hasn't been a game this innovative and full of original ideas since Zelda's Adventures on the Snes CD-Rom.

It literally blows you off of your seat when you turn it on for the first time. When Big Mother Truckers came out it was called the most creative game to come out in the history of the Ps2 therefore no one expected this copy to even match up to it's predecessor. Well we're all wrong.

The game is beautiful. You can see everything; from the sweat dropping from fat Earl's elaborate flabs of skin to Bobby-Sue’s front teeth gap. The rigs are downright beautiful with the wonderful especially with the customization, the flame decals were a nice touch.

The game play is so far into the future that you won't even be able to tell that you're on the road. Drive like a real trucker, feel the wind in your hair; listen as your radio goes in and out as you drive through the country, honk your horn at passengers in busses and cars and live like a true trucker.

All in all, there's not much that can meet this game on the market of today. With it's solid game play and interesting characters it's a sure win for game of the year.

Overall Rating 10/10

 

 

Shaq Fu
By Joe Henry

You've never played a fighting game until you've played Shaq Fu. You knew that Shaq was an all-star NBA player, but I bet you didn’t know he has his own kung fu style. I bet you're thinking you'll get to duke it out with other NBA stars, but you'll actually get an even better cast of “characters” to fight. You can't beat a cast that includes a token old man, a raggedy orphan, a cat woman, a voodoo priestess, a cyborg, a dude without flesh, a Persian prince, a ghoul, a mummy, and even Shaq himself. All I can say is wow! This game will let you enact any of your favorite fighting fantasies ( That orphan vs. orphan fight you always wanted but couldn’t pay actual orphans to do without being arrested is now possible in the comfort of your own home minus the police and jail time).

You haven't seen graphics until you've played Shaq Fu. I almost thought I was playing NES for a moment, then I figured out that my eyes were just bad. I had to get an expert opinion from my grandmother since I couldn't tell what the graphics looked like myself. Here are her exact words:

“That Shaq is hot stuff sonny boy. I'd like to get a piece of that dark chocolate, mmmm. Hey sonny boy, if you make Shaq come out of that screen I'll send you my social security check instead of socks for Christmas.”

The gameplay is extremely enjoyable. You can surgically place your strikes then taunt your opponent with a hand wave. The special moves are great and there is an abundance at your disposal. Shaq even has a flame punch! Every time Shaq wins a fight you are treated to a spectacular jig that was later performed by Ashley Simpson on the tonight show.

No fighting game is complete without multiplayer. To test this aspect, I have invited my grandmother to join me in a one on one duel. After she thoroughly whipped my butt by just gumming the controller, I learned that this game is all about skill.

We all know that every game has to have music. Great music makes a game great. Shaq Fu has some of the most awesome music in any game I have ever played. The minute you hear that open theme, you know you're in for a treat. It's Shaq-tastic.

If you want great characters, superb graphics ( Grandma quit stroking the screen, you're creeping me out), enjoyable gameplay, a skillful fighting engine, and Shaq-tastic music then buy Shaq Fu. The only thing that could make this game better would be including Kobe as the final boss.

Verdict: 10/10

In the immortal words of my grandmother, “ It's Shaq-alicious, mmmm.”

 

 

Bruce Lee: Quest of the Dragon
By Chris Flores

After looking at the cover seeing a clean cut kung fu master you think "damn this has to be good." I rush it home from the local blockbuster and pop it into my Xbox. With the high detailed menu giving me the option to change the sound level and the other great option of loading a saved game I was all ready to start my Quest Of The Dragon. The life like graphics had me at the start. The intense 3hit combos are more than I could have asked for from such an outstanding company I had never heard about. The repetitive kung fu catch phrases are what helped me complete this game in just a few hours, but the first 10mins is all I needed to be hooked. The game was also a challenge at parts. So hard at times I took me a several minutes to figure out what to do next. Once I beat the game I had to play it to the fullest. I jumped right into the option menu that caught my eye in the very beginning. Adjusting the volume to the max and all the way back down to the minimum made me want to return the game late. After the 5days were up I had to part with this game that I skipped class to play. I said goodbye but am not sad because now I can confront the real world once again.

Overall Rating 10/10

 

 

Barney's Hide and Seek
By Jackofdiamonds

Many people say that video games are far too violent nowadays and should start to find ways to be fun to play without having to resort to bloodshed. People also say that video games based on TV shows and movies are usually very bad, and aside from a few titles, very rarely are they ever worth playing for more then a half hour.

What If I told you that there was a great game based on a TV show that is not-violent to boot? How is that possible you ask? It's possible because the creators of this game took the simple boring platformer and transformed it into one of the most amazing games ever. The game I'm talking about is:


Barney's Hide and Seek game

Now you're probably wondering that if this game is so great, why hasn't anyone ever heard of it? Well the answer to that is simple. This wondrous game came out for the Genesis in 1993, about 13 years ago. When the game first came out very few people played it. Many people decided not to play it deeming it too "kiddy" to play and like and never even gave it a chance. If they had they would have witnessed the pure awesomeness of this game.There is so much great about this game it's hard to decide where to begin describing it, so I should start with the story.

Story:

In this incredible game, you play as Barney: a giant Purple dinosaur who is playing hide and seek. Playing as Barney you must seek out and find all of the kids as well as collect several presents and help people out along the way. This is one of the most original video game storylines I have ever heard of. This game doesn't use the same "stop the bad guy from taking over the world" cliched storyline you find in almost every other game and does something completely different.

Controls:

The controls in this game are perfect. Every single action in this game can be performed by the push of a single button. No longer are you able to perform certain objectives whenever you want, but now you only will be able to perform the actions only when they're needed. When there is a cliff, pressing any button will make it jump, press it when there is a present nearby and you'll open it. Press it when there is nothing to do and Barney will simply blow you a kiss.This awesome control scheme makes it so that You won't spend an endless amount of time jumping on something without realizing you were supposed to pick it up instead. This controls are so good that Nintendo even stole the idea for their game Kirby's Air Ride.

Sound:

The creators of this game Pushed the Sega Genesis's sound abilities to their greatest with this game. Not only does this games feature classic tunes Using the technology of the system they were able to give The main character a voice allowing him to talk with a voice that sounds just like his TV counterpart! Whenever there is something nearby Barney will tell you it is there so You never Have to worry about missing important stuff. Not only that, but Barney will occasionally tell you how much he loves you. When was the last time your video game ever told you it loves you?

Graphics:

The graphics in this game are simply beautiful. They are some of the best graphics I have ever seen on a Genesis ever. Barney Looks just like he is supposed to and so do all the other characters in this game. The stage graphics are bright and colorful . What is really great is that the environment changes each level each one looking even more spectacular then the last one. Each stage has it's own theme as well with unique characters and graphics for each stage . See for yourself:

Gameplay:

Now we get to the best part of the game. The goal of the game is simple: go through 4 expansive levels to find all 5 kids and all 5 presents then get to the end of the stage. Fortunately, the game designers didn't add any time limits or annoying enemies so you can take your time and explore without worrying about losing a life. Unlike most games that force you to go right in this game you have a choice of going either to the right or left to reach the end of the stage. Have you ever tried to jump off a cliff onto a tiny platform in a game only to fall to your virtual doom? Well in this game when ever you get to close to the edge of a river of tall cliff, Barney will automatically stop and wait till a platform or cloud comes along to take him to safety. If you ever get tired when playing you can let go of the controller and the game will play for you, taking Barney to the end of the level. If you having trouble finding one of the kids you can just give up and just walk to the end of the level and beat it regardless of how many kids you have found after which Barney will tell you how many kids and presents you found. And best of all if you find all of the kids and presents in each level you get a surprise! I won't tell you what it is so you'll have to play the game to see for yourself.

This game is simply the most fun You will ever have on a game console. The objective If finding kids made for such a great game that its been ripped off by tons of games like Michael Jackson's Moonwalker and even in the hide and seek minigames in the Ledgend of Zelda: Majora's mask and in Wind Waker. If you happen to have a Sega Genesis then I suggest you immediately head to the nearest used game store and look for a copy of this game. Maybe if we're lucky Nintendo will allow this game for download on their Wii's virtual console so that a whole new generation can play this wonderful, wonderful game.

It's so hard to give this game a rating,as mere numbers cannot show how great this game truly is. But if I must give it a Rating, I out give it a


Game rating:10/10

 

 

Super Mario Sunshine
By Jorge Alva

When the Game Cube first launched, I was surprised to see that the folks at Nintendo gave Luigi a launch title, whereas for Mario, a beating in Super Smash Bros. Melee. And I wondered if Luigi would also get to win a get-away trip with Princess Peach to Yoshi's Island where they'll share a room in the Yellow Switch Palace. Unfortunately for Luigi, this was not the case however, because it took no longer than a year for Mario to return in... Super Mario Sunshine!

Way before this game came out, Nintendo did not want to divulge too many details on it because they were afraid competitors might steal their ideas. Right away I was totally psyched! I started forming my own theories I thought that maybe Nintendo would release a new peripheral that would come packaged with the game. The peripheral looked like a remote control (and you would also hold it like a remote) with a big A button on the front, a B button trigger in the back and a D-pad somewhere on it. And it would have all these gyroscopes and motion sensors packed into it so you could control Mario by moving the control in different ways. Like you could flick the controller up and Mario would jump, "that would be so wicked!" I thought. And then maybe the game would somehow make lasers come out of the Game Cube and make it fly around your room. I was also really sure that the new Mario game would be in the fourth dimension, even the menu screens. Finally, Super Mario Sunshine came out and it was something even better than I thought, Mario was in his same 3D world, but he had a water jet pack on!

Right away I was like "WOW!" I took my Dream Cast, and all my other Nintendo systems and threw them out the window from two stories high because none of them had a game come out where the main character had a water jet pack on. Then I poured gasoline all over those pieces of scrap metal and set fire to them. It's true, they were my only friends back in the day, so that's why I didn't spit in the ashes... too much. I began watching videos of Super Mario Sunshine in action on video game websites. As I kept up with the news on this game, I realized that this game was just like Super Mario 64, except that this time he had a water jet pack on, so it made all the difference. And he also collected shines, not stars, which makes it worth handing over 50 bucks to buy it. This makes more sense because in real life people can't collect stars; they're millions of light years away, but I can imagine seeing someone collect a shine. Also there's a new way of killing enemies; all you have to do is sprinkle some of your clean, filtered water on them, and they die. With all these new additions, it was not difficult to see why I was so excited about this game. Finally the day came when I bought the game.

I played the game and it was everything I thought it would be, and even more. I'd tell you more about this game but I don't want to spoil anything for you. You're just going to have to find out for yourself. Nintendo was right in keeping this game under wraps. Oh, who am I kidding, I'm too excited to keep everything a secret so I'll tell you about one time when I was playing. I was in the first world and there was graffiti on a wall (yes graffiti, that's how realistic it is), so I turned my water nozzle to spray mode so I could wipe it off. Apparently, my mom was in the back watching me play and she said "sure, you clean up in that game, but you can't clean your own room." I just told her "don't you got a floor to mop?" So she left and I continued cleaning up that graffiti. And guess what? A blue coin came out! That's one of the many rewards you get in that game, and there's plenty more where that came from. This game is just so awesome, I recommend it to everyone. Thank you Nintendo for making such a great game.

Bottom Line:

Graphics: Mario is more handsome than ever, I just want to take him home, he is the sunshine of this game. Peach looks very hot as well.
Sound: Mario is back with his Italian stereo typical phrases, you just gotta love it. And at random times during the game, the characters actually talk rather than you having to read what they say. I must admit, I do enjoy the variety.
Game play: This is the game's strong point, you go around picking up after people using a water jet pack, how fun is that!?!?!?!?
Length: There are dozens of shines to collect and hundreds of blue coins to gather, and this game contains 7 worlds as opposed to Super Mario 64's 15 worlds. If my math is correct, this means that Super Mario Sunshine has more levels. Believe me, this game will keep you busy.

Score: 1,590,870,190 out of 10

 

 

Strip Fighter II - TG16/PCEngine
By Elmdor

Do you sometimes find yourself trying to decide whether you feel like playing video games or masturbating? If so I might be able to deliver some good news here. You'll no longer be forced to choose between the two main pleasures of the dateless losers roaming the internet because I've a found something which will allow you to do both things at once!

It's not an extra set of hands, although that would be kinda sweet. It's simply a video game called Strip Fighter II, commonly known as, and I quote: "The video game equivalent of a forty-year-old whore." If you think that sounds like a bad thing you might want to check out your grandmother in all her naked, saggy glory. I can assure you that you'd pay good money for a middle-aged prostitute after that.

So, what does my painful childhood memories have to do with this game? Well, nothing... back to the review. This is a beat 'em up game with an all-female cast, another great victory for all them feminists out there :P. The storyline is kinda non-existent, but it's not very hard to figure out what's going on. These six amazon warriors have all agreed to participate in some kind of "Strip-Fighting-Tournament" meaning that they'll undress a little after you beat them once and undress a little more after you kick their spiffalicious asses the second time.

Wow, a Videogame made in the early nineties with pictures of real models! This is clearly the best game ever made. Oh, and don't worry, this isn't some shoddy softporn-Video Game. There are pixelgasmic pictures of Vaginas to be found aswell!

I don't think I have to write anymore about the graphics seeing as I've already shown you how insanely awesome they are. They even managed to give the girls pointy nipples, a rather excellent detail very rarely seen in Video Games from this time era. The quality of the music is of equal greatness, sometimes it actually sounds like they used more than one instrument when recording it. It's kinda disappointing that they seem to use the same soundeffect for everything though, but the fact that the fighters moan like horny tennis players more than makes up for it. Some people like to think of Strip Fighter II as nothing more than a blatant Street Fighter II rip-off, they're stupid. Sure, the name is similar, and they might've stolen a few images from Capcom but does it really matter when this game is so much better? Do you remember how annoying it was to pull off those Special-Moves in Street Fighter II and how you had to use both your hands? Well, in Strip Fighter every button does the same thing and the AI is so stupid that it's enough to press that one button everytime your opponent is close to you. That way you can use the other hand for the self-pleasuring you love so much!

Rating: 10/10

Buy this game today and see if you have what it takes to become the Queen of the Iron Fisting Tournament!

 

 

Yoshi Touch & Go
By Will Pridmore

After looking through the main glass "hand-held games" cabinet, I finally narrowed my choice down to two main competitors, Mario & Luigi Ð Super Star Saga, and the best game ever in videogame history, Yoshi Touch & Go. After much self-arguing, I finally picked Yoshi Touch & Go. Little did I know it would change my life forever.

Now the first thing I noticed about the box of this game was that its style fitted in perfectly with the original Yoshi's Island, with a very appealing-looking stylus aiming a Yoshi-thrown egg at a flyguy. I just thought "Woah, dude. A DS port of Yoshi's Island, with touch-screen aided control. How awesome.". I then flipped over to the back. Right up the top was a "5 languages in 1" logo! "Lucky me! I can play in English, German, French, Italian or Spanish, depending on how I'm feeling!" I thought. Reading the English section of the blurb, I found that there were four different modes of play, a multiplayer Battle Mode, and of course, heaps oearn.

Rankings: This displays the high scores for all four play modes, allowing you to choose between them. This teaches all about social status and pecking order, and to help you realise that you should set yourself goals, to assist you to strive harder in order to reach success, but not to make your goals too high or impossible to achieve, as this leads to failure.

Vs. Battle: This opens up the DS download play screen, in which you can host your own 2 player game, which your friend can then join through the DS Download Play section from the DS's main menu. In this game you attempt to be the first person to reach the finish line. At your disposal are yellow cloud paths that can be made by drawing on the touch screen. Yoshi will walk faster on these than on regular ground. If you also manage to defeat three or more enemies with a single egg, enemies will appear in your opponent's path. If you get hit by an enemy or fall down a hole, you lose. The moral behind this is that sometimes in life, it is down to you and a few other competitors. The conditions may be hard, but just try to hit your enemies with eggs that you throw to slow your oponents' progressÉ ? AhÉ Yeah, that's the moral.

Score Attack: You must score as many points as possible before reaching the end of the level. You can get points by collecting coins, defeating enemies, and performing other tasks. You use the stylus to draw cloud paths that Yoshi can walk on, draw bubbles to encircle enemies and fling them towards your character, throw eggs, jump, flutter kick and other functions. You must use all your skill to get the default high score of 300 before reaching the finish. This port clock that counts down. At zero, Kamek swoops across and kidnaps Baby Mario, ending your game. Add this to the fact that if you die your game ends, this is a very hard mode. However, it is possible to get the high score, as the more points you get, the higher up the clock counts. For example, if you get one coin, one second is added to your remaining time.This shows that collecting helpful objects and delaying your opponents will help you achieve a higher record.

At the start of each mode, you must first guide Baby Mario safely to the ground, by using the same controls as you can on the ground, bar egg-throwing, jumping and flutter-kicking. This is the mysterious "air level".

So as you can see, not only does the game give the player a good time, but also takes them on a moral journey to become a better person. I think, though, that the underlying principle is that if you try to make a Yoshi's Island-style game without a story mode, it turns out lousy, and really makes you treasure the other things that you own that are better than it.

 

 

The Guy Game
By John Elmos

The concept of this game game is quite simple: answer questions and see naked girlies. However, to get there, you must undergo several trials.

First off, you need to know that questions. The tricky part is that you need to find the answers. There are no hints, no clues, just you and the questions. Luckily they are multiple choice. This gives you a fighting chance against the unknown. You can't just go online and look up the answers; you have three people competing against you. They will answer and get points for their answer.

If you win you get rewarded with footage college girls. You start with just clothed girls. As you progress through the game, you get to see them topless: first pixelated, then with censor bars, and finally pure, unfiltered prerendered glory.

< p align="left">Did I mention the mutliplayer? You can easily play with HUGE group of people. One the person is the President. The President decides all of the rules for the game. He decides who gets to play, what happens when someone loses, everything. This makes for an easily accessible drinking game. Such a brilliant way to cut development costs! Why didn't this happen sooner?

There's more than that. A pinball game is also included. This is so much fun that is almost an entirely new game! The graphics are incredible! They are the best I've seen this whole generation. Only Shaq-Fu has rivaled this game's graphics. The sound is top notch too. I couldn't ask for better.

Do you like girls? Parties? Pinball? Trivia? If your answer to any of these is yes, then this is ther perfect game for you!!

FINAL SCORE: 313373/10

 

 

Thats So Raven (GBA) - Buena Vista Interactive
By skakidd

Plot: You play as Raven and try to find your way to the top of the social ladder, gaining as many friends as you can along the way and completing quests for them, all the quests have their own back-story and reading each one adds so much body to the game and really prolongs the joy that you'll feel. Throughout your adventure some kids and staff start cramping your style, you'd better show them a thing or two about respect.

Gameplay: This is a great game. Its not for people who like gross blood and guts, or racing games, ugh I cant understand why you would anyway, no this game actually has a plot and a point to it. This game plays a lot like monsters inc. for gba in that its a side scrolling action-dodgey game. You play as the heroine Raven and you have to dodge dirty janitors, nerdy av kids, and bullies that throw pies and books at you, but you'll get the last laugh when you watch the av kids and janitors slip on the water you "accidently spilled" on the floor, oops, let the hilarity ensue. And for those bullies, well they can get a spray from Raven's pink perfume bottle not only does it burn their eyes but they'll smell like a girl for the rest of the day!!! You'll move up and down, forward and back throughout the halls picking up items and quest objects in your search for the end of the level. "Search for the end of the level? But that sounds like a bad statement" is what you may be saying to yourself, but oh no, I say this because each level is a totally new engaing experience and you should enjoy the fact that the next level will be EVEN BETTER than the one you're on so dont ever turn off your gba or you'll miss it.

Graphics: The graphics are superb not only does the game slip in cut-scenes from the show (taking advantage of the gba's awesome 32-bit colour graphics), but periodically the gamer is sucked into Raven's head through her eyeball to watch a "vision", once again JUST LIKE IN THE SHOW!!! Its easy to tell who's friend and who's foe aswell, because the levels animation is seamless, not a single misplaced pixel.

Controls: Controls are real easy to get a hang of, which makes the game even more enjoyable as your not struggling to remember complex combinations like up,down,a,l,sideways,loop-de-loop just to unlock a door, no, l and r are your attacks (a water bottle to make slippery traps, and your perfume), and b is your defense a very stylish, what appears to be, louis vuitton ruby encrusted purse, that sends those muffins flying.

Audio: I have to have a seperate section for audio because it is just too good. While completing tasks and sneaking my way through school I get to jam to some very upbeat rap/hip-hop/r&b/pop music. Nothing beats those classic beats if you know what I mean, sometimes on the bus to school, or at lunch in the cafeteria I'll turn on Thats So Raven and all us kids just get up and dance to the tracks. The sound quality is great too, not grainy at all, like some other inferior gba games.

Overall: This game is a treat a perfect 9.5/10 the developers didn't disappoint us Raven fans as this game keeps as close to the show as possible, and has the same level of entertaining entertainment.

 

 

The Way Of The Samurai - PS2
By Brandon D.

“This game gives you a samurai sword and your own fate to decide on”

As soon as the sword is picked up, you see a gang of men kidnapping a woman from her restaurant. Your first choice comes to mind. “Should I help her??” or “Should I leave her there?” Acting as a true samurai, your sword is drawn and you attack. You’re outnumber three to one. The first two thugs attack and all you hear is a clash of swords a the yell of falling men. The last guy much more powerful puts up a fight. After taking much damage. He makes an offer, asking you to join a family of strong samurai. You decline and he leaves with a wound symbolizing his defeat.

Later on you go with the girl to the restaurant to have a meal. She made it as a thank you gift for saving her. Another and some more thugs come to the restaurant. They begin insulting te girl and her other samurai friend and start to beat them. You’re out of the way and you could leave if you choose. Acting once again as a hero, you swiftly slice two of the guys. The final guy seems to have much skill that you do and before he defeats you… He makes an offer to join the same family again.

Declining his invite, you feel the intense pain of your head being disconnected from your body and you feel your last ammount of pain.

Accepting however, he tells you to meet at the mansion and he leaves.

The girl was poor, he restaurant had little business and hope for survival. Her friend learns that the family’s mansion has a statue worth a lot of money. Because of that, he sneaks into the mansion and finds the treasure, he is then trapped inside. You find him ad help him escape from the mansion. Little to your knowledge, the best samurai, the mansion’s leader, and the current father of the newborn heir is in your path. You and you samurai friend fight him,but barely survive. Returning empty handing, you go back to the restaurant finding out from the warrior blacksmith that the government plans to kill everyone. Getting for the next, and final battle, you sleep. Waking up the next morning you find out the girl was idnapped again,but this time by the government, and you and the blacksmith fight through a great amount of soldiers. He then tells you to go on to save the girl. The girls samurai friend then aids you to get into the masion. He also tells you to continue, but he seems very injured and can’t do it alone. You decided to stay this time and help finish everyone off. After the long fight you get into the masion. You fight off government soldiers then you find the first guy you fought who also had been the first to make you an offer to join. You tell him the girl is in trouble, and he ignores his wounds and helps you fight to the end.

After clearing everyone out, you find the girl about to be killed, you fight the leader of the army and have a very though time, but you are victorious. Saving the girl, you and her old and her very ill father escape this maddness, learning that everyone was killed including the girls friend samurai, the man who liked the the girl and the very best samurai who had been killed in his masion.

 

A Week of Garfield (NES)
By Jon Arbuckle
Story (10/10):

The amazing plot line and character development in this game are hard to explain, but I'll try my best. It's the intnse story of a week...of Garfield. That's right, our lazy friend Garfield must go out and do what he does best. Yes, what could make a more intense game? I was left in pure shock by the genius behind this storyline.

Graphics (10/10):

All aspects of the graphics in this game stretch the limits of the NES hardware. Garfield looks top notch, just like they took him out of the comic books. I almost cried when I saw the resemblence. And the backdrops? Sheer perfection. Whoever allowed a 2 year old to draw the badrops with crayon is beyond me but let me tell you something. That 2 year old has a real future in artistry. The backdrops go from amazing inside the house action to OUTSIDE. Enemies in this game are vicious looking and when I saw the first spider drop from the trees, I nearly wet my pants.

Sound (10/10):

The music in this game plays so sweetly. There is possibly and no less then TWO TRACKS in this game. Talk about variety? Then, each track consists of about three notes being played at complete random. You get to hear this amazing song every stage along with the amazing sound effects. When you use your claws it almost exactly resembles a cat coughing up a hairball. How great is that? Maybe I can petition for them to redo the entire soundtrack in an orchestral album.

Gameplay (10/10):

For all you pansy gamers, I say sit this one out. This game is only for the truly hardcore gamers out there.

The difficulty is hardcore and will have you going back to get your ass kicked over and over again. In fact, it'll happen a whole lot since you only have one life to deal with. Everybody knows that cats don't have nine lives so why not just give them one? It's also a fact that cats don't get invincible after running into an enemy and getting jumped on by a small mouse will often kill them. It was so hardcore once, I saw my entire life bar drained as a mouse simply tried to run across the screen. There are even some parts where you must simply run into an enemy to actually get past! Don't think that only mice will attack you thought. Spiders, frogs, worms, and especially homing birds will all manage to ruin your week. Is that hardcore or what?

Your true objectives are awesome as well. They consist of running across a long stretch of path until you hit the end of the stage. You will then precede to do a chicken dance and run around your house like a giddy school girl. But sometimes you must collect keys to open doors so you can get through, how realistic! Enemies can also be taken down just as you please. Your claw attack has an amazing range of nothing and you'll likely get yourself killed by an enemy before you can even find out the exact range! You also have amazing weapons like horizontal flying dog bones and scatter fire fish bones. All this excitement will have you screaming for more. Eat a plate of lasagna and you'll recieve the power of the Starman for about two seconds, how cool is that?

In terms of difficulty, you'll be playing this game forever. Simply beating it is hardcore and will take you a little more then the rest of your life. The developers even managed to stop cheating as it's literally impossible to beat this game, by any means. Take that, you phony gamers!

Overall (10/10):

So, A Week of Garfield plays like a true ray of hope in the gaming world. The amazing sound, graphics, and impossibly difficult gameplay will have you filled with happiness. Realism was truly a factor in making this game and continues to blow those other realistic games out of the water. This game truly changed my life and I feel that it's only right to share it with you. Hopefully we can see the same graphics return in my newly petitioned sequel "A Month of Garfield" for the X-Box 360. I hope to see you there and I'll leave you with the epic words of Garfield from the opening cinematic, "WHERE ARE YOU GOING ODIE?".

 

 

Michael Jackson's Moonwalker
By Jonathan Mead

Intro: Tired of the same old game? Wanting something more than that boring, monotonous storyline? Then I have the game for you. Michael Jackson's Moonwalker! This is truly the holy grail of games.

Story: This game was so astounding, that a storyline wasn't even nessesary! I mean, The game starts out with a car flying into the air. It must be good! Michael, being the warm hearted, black, black man we've come to adore, goes around saving poor, inocent children from all kinds of scary things! How does he do this you ask? Simple! He uses the power of dancing! He can also use magical powers that he secretly posseses. For instance, if MJ has enough power, he can force everyone on screen to dance till they convulse and die of painful seizures! This gets people out of the way, and helps michael to get to those cute, little kids. Finding the children Is always a task (searching closets and all), but that just means that there are many, many hours of getting to dance with wolves! When everything is through, you get to fight this big, mafia, boss guy (Originality!). In all, the story was one of the most inovative I have seen.

Gameplay: The gameplay of this masterpeice is lush and smooth. At the beginning of Each level, you get to see MJ's wonderfully detailed face as he yells a valient cry! It then continues on to a well designed area filled with gruesome beings, compelling music, and scared, little kids (don't worry, MJ will save you!). You will also find the styles of many other games within this one. The dancing will remind you of DDR, while the fighting makes you feel not so far away from mortal kombat. When you get to the game controlls, you will find that they can range anywhere! It can go from being simple enough for a brain dead flea, to being as complex as trying to teach a dolphin to do the maccarana (I bet Michael could!) If you want to Feel that you are truly in control, than this is the game for you!

Conclusion: After playing this in every way possible, I am left with my jaw to the floor. I mean, who could have been the genious behind such a game? This game has originality, outstanding graphics, and Michael Jackson with a pet monkey! This game has gone beyond that of epic levels! This one game, was, is, and always will be within the hearts of Millions. I am only grateful that I could be blessed with such a gift.

Total Rating: 22.5/22.5 (My team of specialists use a different scoring system.)

 

Superman 64 Me-View
By Cyberxion

SuperMan 64 was the pinnicle of awesomeness upon it's release on the Nintendo 64. The game used unique graphical tricks to immerse the player in a true-to-comic-book version of Metropolis, and the gameplay was such that anyone who played it couldn't be arsed to play another game for sometime afterwards, as nothing quite measured up. The following review will reveal to the two or three of you out there who've yet to play it, just why Superman 64 is not only the best game on the Nintendo 64, but quite possibly one of the best games bestowed upon mankind.

Superman 64, based on the animated Superman cartoon of the late 90's, charged Superman with...well, the plot isn't that important. What is, is that true to the cartoon, Superman finds himself in a Metropolis mired in a miasma of Kryptonite fog! That's something that lends this game an air of authenticity to it's source material, one that no other liscensed game had ever even come close to capturing before it's release, or since.

That right there is enough to make any Superman fan have a geek-gasm in his pants, but it didn't stop there! No, the developers worked Superman's natural weakness to Kryptonite into the gameplay, making the controls a dazzling recreation of how it would be to fly a Kryptonite weakened Superman around Metropolis like a drunkard! Try as you might, you won't be able to make Superman do just what you want, but with the pea-green Kryptonite fog that covers the landscape, why would you want to do anything but recreate the best moments from the comics, in which Superman is as weak as a pansy, trying to struggle to do so much as fly straight without banging into a wall? Answer, if you're any fan of Superman's, you wouldn't!

Superman is at his best when he's weak, and playing as a nigh-unstoppable alien juggernaut just aint all the fun. This is at it's most evident during combat, in which Superman will take damage like a kitten, and in which his punches are as effective as if you were to try breaking through a steel door with nothing but a feather-duster. It's truly an amazing feeling to control Superman at his level-worst, pushing yourself onward to an inevitable defeat. Normally Superman ought to be able to pummel his way through anything, but would that really make a great game? I liken this experience to watching Superman die in the tragic "Death of Superman" run in the comics years back, and as that was a pretty goddamned gripping experience, so too is this. It's like playing an approximation of that, but nothing at all like it, except that Superman is a push-over. I love this game!

Seriously, this game is amazing. I loved playing as a Superman that wasn't a unbeatable brick-wall of alien beefcake, as it made the character far more identifiable to me, a mere candy-assed human. The graphics were an amazing reacreation of the cartoon Metropolis, and the Kryptonite fog only served to enhance the realism. The ultra short draw-distance only served to illustrate to me without a doubt, just how limited Superman would be by a blanket of Krytonite fog. I can't imagine that his sight would be greater than a range of about two or three feet within that essense-draining miasma, and the game captured that perfectly. I can totally see Superman's physical prowess being weakened by it as well, as I've seen it on the show and in the comic books too many times over to put an exact number on. Hell, Lex Luthor has been able to lay Superman out using Kryptonite in the source-material, so it's only fitting that a strong wind can do Superman in during the course of your adventure through this lavish, fully realized cartoon world, full of that oh-so-awesome Kryptonite fog!

In closing, it was truly an honor to have played this wonderful game, and to experience first-hand just how it can be when the most powerful super-hero in history is made into a weak-sauce pussy by an inane allergy to a piece of his planet. Just like us humans! I give this game my highest recommendation, and my only hope is that the awesomness that is Superman 64 doesn't sour you to other games, inferiour though they may admittedly be. I know I had a hard time playing anything else for awhile after finishing this game. I was physically unable to approach my Nintendo 64, as if I shared in Superman's trials in a Metropolis covered in Kryptonite, and that is the true sign of a really great game! Play it!

 

 

Area-51 for the PS2
By hinoatashi (AIM: hinoatashi, Email: hinoatashi_at_yahoo.com)

The moment I picked up the game, I knew it would be my favorite game ever. At first, I was amazed about how complicated the cover looked. I mean, an alien? What could this game possibly be about? It was so mysterious to me until I looked at the back cover. Guess what? It was about aliens and you had to go around killing them! What a great way to disguise the game’s true story! Great move, Midway!

Idea: 10/10

First off, the story. Man, was it beautiful. I was captivated about how fast the story picked up. It is a story about how 1 man, Ethan Cole and his squad of specialists go down to this crazy place called “Area-51” to resolve some alien infested underground lab. Along the way you run into some guys that look like mutants (but I found out they were actually aliens thanks to a walkthrough on the internet) that try to kill you. Eventually, your team dies and you are left with some guns and a hell of a lot of fun! Take THAT Master Chief (Halo)! What amazes me was the storyline and how there are so many twists and turns. You really can’t tell what will happen next! During the game, there will be an event where you are trying to fix the electrical power to get through a door so you can then get to an elevator to escape safely. I was saying, “Alright! I’m finally about to beat this super hard game!” Boy was I wrong. The game threw a curveball at me and it turns out that there was a malfunction and I was the only one left on the other side! Gee, they really got me on that one. Another great part is, the story is totally original! Fighting aliens, going down to a deserted laboratory complex, a one man army?!? GENIUS!

Story: 10/10

Here is a main part of the game, the game itself. Area-51 has the most amazing system ever. It uses an advanced system called “FPS” where it makes it so that you get to see the character’s exact vision. This is so cool because it makes the game realistic! I feel like I am Ethan Cole going around and killing aliens. What makes the game really realistic is the weapon selection. Who can go without a Shotgun, Handgun, Sniper Rifle, and Assault Rifle? It also gives you the use of 2 alien weapons, which I know you may think is silly, but is also realistic because it is exactly what I would picture alien weapons to be like. This game is definitely tough, though. It is not all fun and games when you have constant enemies pouring in from all sides. This is why the game gives you so much ammo. Midway actually made it so that you would never have to worry about running out of ammo in the middle of the fight. Thanks guys, this shows how much depth the company’s thought on us gamers truly is. The true gem of the game, however, is the ability to go into mutant mode. I have never ever seen this used in any game before! I thought that the story was original, but the gameplay too??! In mutant mode, you can run around and hit people with your melee attack and do great damage. If this were any other game, such features would make you invincible!

Gameplay: 10/10

Another great aspect of the game is the graphics. It was so astonishing to see the effects of guns being shot. My friend went over to my house and explained that the effect of orange bursts from guns is called “muzzle fire”. I thought, “Wow! They incorporated that into the game?” Even the graphics add realistic value! The enemies were so cool. I could not take my eyes off the fact that there were a huge total of 4 enemies to fight! All of them are really original too! There’s a guy who runs like he is drunk, a guy who is similar to the first except can shoot (this makes the game super tough), a guy who can jump off of things really quickly (be careful! These leapers can get tricky to kill!), and finally, these guys in black that go around shooting you with either assault rifles or fancy alien weapons. The design is so detailed considering the shear amount of enemies. The entire game also has great graphics. The broken computers, lab equipment, and even doors are made to look exactly like they would if Area-51 was based on a true story!

Graphics: 10/10

Overall, I recommend this to everyone because of the brilliance of this game. You will be wrapped in hours upon hours of gameplay because of the difficulty and complexity of the maps. I was so lost in most of them because they were so big that my game time was over 30 hours! Don’t think getting lost is bad though. The scenery and beautiful graphic accessories make the error a moment to remember. I suggest all of you buy it now! This game does not deserve to be rent!

Final Score: 11/10

 

 

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